


Confessional

by Voido



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Confession, Fluff, Love, M/M, actually kissing, akiryu, im not late im just early for 2019, valentines cards, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 05:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voido/pseuds/Voido
Summary: For Valentine's Day, Akira has planned to make a card for each of his closest friends. He asks Ryuji to accompany him during it, fully aware that his card is the one that holds, by far, the most weight to it. Because no matter how brave he could be, confessing was just so much easier in written word.





	Confessional

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't plan on doing something like this, especially since Valentine's Day is over, but good thing I have someone randomly shooting me OTP ideas out of nowhere that I suddenly feel the need to write. She's also to blame for "chips" turning into "doritos". I didn't mean for this. I didn't plan for this. But dam do I love those boys.

“You said _anything_ , right?”

Fully aware that the words, put like they were, wouldn't mean a thing to his best friend, Akira Kurusu patiently waited for the counter question. If anyone asked him, he'd say it was one of his best qualities, the sheer forbearance with the dullness he was so often confronted with.

“Huh? Whad'ya talking about, dude?”

He didn't explain immediately, instead indulging in the deep frown on Ryuji Sakamoto's forehead; one of the many moments he displayed his emotions so vividly that it left Akira a bit stunned. It was the exact opposite of himself, and while others often found it annoying or weird just how blunt someone could be, to him it meant _freedom_.

“You said if I need help with anything, you'd lend me a hand, right?”

The frown vanished and Ryuji's face lit up, a wide grin spreading on it before he happily nodded and slammed a fist on the table a little harder than necessary, immediately checking if he had caused it any harm – he hadn't, and Akira doubted he ever would. The table was made of solid wood and it  w ould take a lot to even just scratch it. He'd explained that a thousand times, yet Ryuji would give him an apologetic look again and again and  _again_ for getting just a bit too excited or mad about something and using the table to release some of his unbound energy.

“Sure did! Warnin' you, though, running and eating are the only things I'm good at!”

“Running will definitely be involved, although I mostly need help with finishing up some cards. And since you're the one who did most of the calling cards…”

It wasn't really a compliment, but from the way he beamed, Ryuji seemed to think it was one. Akira wasn't going to correct him on that, as he felt the same kind of happiness splash over himself as well just from the sight, causing him to smile slightly.

“ _Cards_?! Like, more than one? Bro, don't tell me you have _multiple_ dates for Valentine's?!”

He hid a chuckle behind his hand before shaking his head. Even though they  _were_ indeed Valentine's cards, Ryuji was obviously getting the wrong idea about it. Sometimes, just for a short second  every time , Akira wondered if he was even aware of how awkwardly he balanced between  _toxically straight_ and  _obnoxiously gay._ Then he remembered it was Ryuji and realized  _no, of course he isn't aware._ But that made it all the more charming, how there was no bad intent or mockery behind his appreciative and encouraging words; just the truth.

“It's just cards for the others. It's been quite a ride, being with you guys, and I feel like just a few _thank you_ words won't do. And since it's pretty cheesy, I figured doing it on Valentine's would come in handy to tone it down a bit.”

There was an untypically long silence – at least for one coming from Ryuji – before a disappointed sigh filled the room and Akira raised an eyebrow at his best friend, just short of commenting on how sluggishly he was sitting on the chair, putting unnecessary discomfort to his back.

“What, you're asking me to help 'cuz I'm not getting one? Rude, man.”

“Of course you're getting one. I already finished that, though.”

That seemed to be more than enough to catch not only his attention, but his whole image of curiosity. It was so easy to get him excited about the simplest things, and now he seemed all fired up about the whole idea without even knowing what was going on.

Because there was a whole damn lot going on.

It took everything out of Akira not to sneer at just how perfectly planned-through this was.

 

\----- -----

 

“ _To Ann Takamaki, the girl whose fashion sense I wish I had._ Dude, that's so…”

Ryuji didn't finish the sentence, and Akira thanked a higher entity that he didn't, because he knew _exactly_ what it would've ended in. And he was so not ready to get even remotely annoyed about anything coming from Ryuji today – or ever, but sometimes it was inevitable and he just accepted it.

It wasn't that it _honestly_ bothered Akira too much. Everything coming from Ryuji was pure, unfiltered thoughts after all, and his stance towards things he felt didn't fill a certain bar of _manliness…_ well, he was rather vocal about them, asked or not. At some point, someone would probably call him out for it, and harshly so, but Akira had decided that it wouldn't be him. He felt like he lacked the energy to explain why he could write cheesy letters to Ann without it ridding him of any of his masculinity, and he was especially tired of how Ryuji didn't even get that he was probably the cheesiest one of all of them – and would most definitely never call _himself_ gay for it, because he seemed to take a certain amount of pride in being almost ridiculously straight.

“Let me be honest, will you? If I were a girl, I'd be copying that _red-leggings-blue-blouse_ -style the second I spotted her.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatev's. Anyway, Valentine's is tomorrow, when did ya plan to bring them the cards again?”

Easing at the shift of topics – and slightly amused about being scolded by _Ryuji_ , out of all people, for slacking off – Akira focused on the card again, adding some detail to it by doodling a little panther in one of the corners and turning the tittles into hearts – he knew Ann loved this kind of kitsch, so he gave it to her. Seeing her _honestly_ happy about affection was rare, as usually it was tainted by some sort of envy, but Akira knew it was different for him. He didn't want to date Ann, and he wasn't jealous of her. Just glad she was such a good friend.

“Man, you're always impressive, you know?”

He looked up and tried to understand the question, but Ryuji's head was lowered and he stared at the card as if it held some sort of secret that only he understood.

“What do you-”

“I mean, you just do stuff. Like this. You just draw hearts 'n shit 'cause you know she loves it, and you don't feel weird 'bout it. It's a bit scary how fearless you are.”

“ _Fearless_. Yeah, sure.”

Akira almost scoffed the compliment, because he knew it was anything but true. If he were fearless, he wouldn't be keeping up a facade by spending time on these cards – why hadn't he done them earlier? Why had he asked Ryuji to just be here with him and give him mental support?

Because deep down, hidden behind his comfortingly veiling glasses, Akira was actually somewhat uncertain about what he was doing, and feeling selfish because he'd known before even asking that Ryuji would spend the day with him, help him deliver the cards and then stay until late in the evening, right in time to almost miss the last train home. It was scary how scripted it sounded, and Akira couldn't help but think he was blackmailing Ryuji into it just a slight bit. Sure, neither of them were dating anyone and he could've just said _no_ to the plea of helping, but Akira knew he wouldn't. Especially not after the indirect mention of the track team business.

He almost jumped when he got a reply to his words, momentarily having forgotten what they were even talking about.

“Don't gimme that, leader. I've never seen a braver person than you in my _life._ ”

_If only you knew._

 

\----- -----

 

“Oh _snap_ , dude, I didn't know you could actually draw and stuff.”

There wasn't even half a second for Akira to reply before Ryuji groaned and  basically took that statement back.

“You know what? Bullshit. Should'a expected it. Damn, you're good at everything, after all.”

“That's hardly true.”

It was a nice card indeed, Akira decided. He'd found a certain admiration for how contrary to her good-student behavior Makoto's interest in motorbikes and any machinery felt, so he'd decided to draw a rather extravagant kind of motorcycle for her. But knowing her well enough, he also put a scripted message, consisting of some of the answers to math problems they'd solved together, on it. She'd scold him for spending so much time on something like that, but she'd do so with a very pleased, almost flattered smile, and imagining that was really all he needed.

“Nope, I'm dead-serious. You got them grades, you're cool, and if ya weren't so oblivious about girls, I'm sure you'd have, like, ten Valentine's dates now. I'm almost jealous, dude.”

“I'm not _oblivious_ , Ryuji. Just cruelly glad I get to spend today with you, because it makes me feel like I'm pressured to finish the cards. I'm actually good at procrastinating.”

“ _Oh?_ ”

It seemed they'd finally been loud enough for Morgana to wake up, although he was already on his way to the stairs before he finished the confused statement.

“And here I was thinking you always left the calling cards for the last day because you were just too confident.”

Akira smirked at it slightly, and more so when Ryuji actually giggled a bit.  It was rare that he agreed with Morgana, especially when it meant siding  _against_ his best friend. He'd definitely fight anyone else siding against Akira, and without hesitating.

“Damn, Makoto should get that kind of motorbike one day.”

He sighed silently.

_One day._

 

\----- -----

 

“Hold it there, bro. _Strip_?!”

Even though he had prepared for Ryuji's reaction to that part of Yusuke's card, Akira found himself unable not to laugh at that question. He was almost a bit cheerful that it didn't quite sound disgusted – rather surprised and maybe even  _curious_ .

“It's a long story. He was pretty desperate on someone to pose for him, and his obsession with art _is_ a bit endearing, in all honesty.”

There was a long, heavy silence, but Akira tried to ignore it and focused on his words. He wasn't going to draw anything proper for Yusuke – because he wasn't nearly as good as the guy – so he tried to play with words instead. Of course he was inferior in that regard as well, but not so much. He  _did_ take the time to draw a mouse with a fox mask on the card, though, because he remembered how much Yusuke had enjoyed that part of their stay on the ship palace.

“Wait, _shit._ You're _serious_?!  You stripped for _Yusuke?!_ ”

“That's just the wording, Ryuji. There was nothing to it, I actually wasn't even naked, and he even made me some tolerable coffee for the time I had to sit like a brick. Oh, and he paid me back with _that_.”

Pen still in his hand, Akira pointed at a painting of a black coffee mug resting on a bright red blanket, covered in snow. He loved everything about it, and he still doubted that posing a bit had earned him the effort and time it had cost Yusuke to paint it. But complaining was a lot worse than just accepting it and being thankful,  he knew that, so he had given it the appreciation he felt he could by hanging it in his room immediately afterwards.

“Huh, right. Never realized that hadn't been here from the beginning, dude.”

“Of course. Bright red is totally a common color in my room.”

“What? It totally isn't, man. Are you colorblind?”

And this time, Akira was really close to letting his thoughts slip, because he almost said:

_Only when I mistake your eyes for the sun._

 

\----- -----

 

“Not much to go now, man! Still don't think I contributed much.”

“It's actually the last one. Futaba would never let me hear the end of it if she got anything but a 12am selfie and some sort of weird emoji attached to it. Morgana isn't getting a card because we live together. It'd be weird. I'll buy him some sushi on the way home, though. And I'm glad you're here.”

Out of all the cards, Haru's was probably the easiest. They'd been tending her vegetables together, after all, and Akira knew that she was into flowers overall, so the theme had been easy to pick. Since she was not only a lot smarter than him, but also way better with words, he did the contrary of what he did for Yusuke's card, and instead focused on drawing something nice now. It was hard, because he hardly knew anything about flowers, but he'd looked up some pretty ones and practiced them a bit before so they'd actually look nice on the card.

“Hey, then this is the last one? Way to go! Now, how do we get them to everyone?”

“Well, I know Ann, Makoto and Haru are in Shibuya to get crepes and watch a movie later, and Yusuke always spends his time there anyway, so I figured we could just meet up with them and I treat you for some food that's not curry.”

He watched the reaction closely – how Ryuji's mien switched from understanding to excited, then to uncertain and back to excited.

“Sure! Cool! No need to treat me though, bro, I think I got some spare yen on me.”

“Fine. Offer stands.”

Through all of their conversations, Akira had come to understand that Ryuji tried to spend money less openly than his belongings suggested, just so that his mother wouldn't be any more troubled with feeding both of them. Living in an attic sure came with tons of downsides, but at least it was _free_ for him and he even got breakfast everyday, so all the money he made from part-time jobs was his to spend. There was no reason for him not to offer paying for his friends, _especially_ his best friend, too, if needed.

“Actually, uh. I just remembered I might'a spent my last 500 on a pendant for my mom when the train ran late, so eh. Sorry.”

“No need to be.”

_I should be the one apologizing by now, after all._

 

_\----- -----_

 

The group chat was one of the best ideas ever, Akira decided when he let Ryuji make use of it to meet up with the others. He'd been right about all of them still being at Shibuya, and it made things a lot easier, because they all lived too far apart from each other to pay everyone a visit and bring them the cards there.

“You shouldn't have, you know?” Makoto said with little assertiveness to it, smiling at the envelope in her hands, while Akira was trying to see her past Ann's puffy hair right in his face, cause she had decided to simply jump into his arms to thank him.

“I hope you're not getting a bit too hyped about it. It's really just cards.”

“It's totally not _just cards_.”

That came from Ryuji, the only one capable of judging that, because he obviously knew what was inside. Maybe he wasn't too wrong about it, either, since Akira had taken a lot of effort to make it special and unique for each of them. But he didn't want them to be _too_ happy about it and then end up disappointed.

“I am fairly sure it will be quite lovely. I cannot deny feeling just a bit bad about not doing anything for either of you as well, though.”

Haru's words were like a ray of light – so pure and honest, yet considerate. She didn't sound self-depreciating, and Akira was glad about it, because that had never been his intent.

“Don't worry. Having all of you to back me up is more than enough.”

It was Yusuke who answered, way too serious about what he said.

“What truly encouraging words which could come from no one but our strong leader.”

_If only I were._

 

_\----- -----_

 

“Man, what a day. I'm totally pooped.”

“Want to go home?”

They were already half-way to the platform that would get them back to Yongen-Jaya, and only yet did Akira realize he had actually taken it for granted that Ryuji would stay the night with him. Maybe it was childish to believe that, if he didn't have a date, he might as well sleep over and play some games. It made Akira feel guilty, obsessive and pushy, and he put up an apologetic smile before indicating to move back to the hall.

“Huh? Nah. Dunno, man. Still got a lot of rented movies to watch, just, uh.”

His smile faltered at Ryuji sounding sheepish, if not insecure. This wasn't good. It was never good when he shut up or didn't know what to say, because it meant things were severe enough for even him to think them through.

“Just?”

“Man, come _on._ You're shitting me, right? All this talk about cards for our friends.”

_Has he found out?_

“I betcha now. Hidden somewhere under the counter is some sort of masterpiece present for your one-and-only, and you're gonna see 'er tomorrow and I'ma be in the way.”

_Of course he hasn't._

“Well, that's interesting. I might want to find said masterpiece, but I could need your help doing so, since you seem to know about it better than me.”

Akira found himself able to pick up the smile again and grab Ryuji's arm to tug him back towards the train that would soon leave without them. Sure, there was Hifumi, the girl used to play shogi with, who would surely love to see him on Valentine's day. But that was not what he wanted, and he wondered just how much longer he could be subtle about how being with Ryuji and him alone tomorrow was _really_ the only thing he cared about.

“I'm serious about not having a date. Don't be difficult now. We could go fishing in the morning.”

And with that, Ryuji's cheerfulness was back, his hair bouncing a bit when he nodded wildly and basically jumped onto the train, entirely carefree about the looks people gave him. He didn't use to be like this, but after all the time they'd spent together, he was able to focus on the two of them and no one else, Akira had noticed. It made him just a bit proud, because he knew his own presence had his friends calm down no matter the situation. He knew what it was like to be falsely accused of something, and how important it was not to care about prejudice.

But even so, he found himself unable to discard his own negative expectations and the sheer endless amount of things that could still go wrong tonight.

_I'm prepared, though. Right?_

 

\----- -----

 

He so _wasn't_ prepared.

Everything felt entirely normal, from them wrapping a blanket around both their chairs to keep each other warm, over Ryuji loudly munching Doritos, all the way to when it was close enough to midnight that Akira found himself getting nervous. Him, the leader. Nervous.

_What am I thinking?_

“Dude, we should shift over.”

He nodded, not moving an inch of his body, and not even fully aware of what he had just agreed to. Shift over to what?

“Like. Now? My back's starting to kill me.”

That's when he snapped out of it, nodded again and  understood. Chairs were convenient for playing games, but they'd switched to watching movies about an hour ago, and there was really no reason not to adjust the TV and watch from the bed, so they did just that.

But minutes started to pass like seconds, and before they knew it, it was just a few minutes to midnight, so Akira untangled himself from the mess that was him, Ryuji, the blanket, snacks, a sleeping Morgana and  _hopefully_ a TV remote, because he hated losing that. 

“Ah, man, why now? I was starting to warm up a bit in this freezer you manage to live in.”

“Be right back.”

And it really didn't take long, because the only thing he got up for was the card he had written first, the one he'd been equally sure and doubtful about. The one card he knew meant everything, and somehow  he  wish ed meant nothing.

He made quite the show of getting back on the bed before handing it over, both because he heavily enjoyed the impatient look on Ryuji's face and because he was losing his cool about all of this. It wasn't that he was hopeful for the reply he would get to it, because every sense of logic in him argued against it. What he did feel, though, was the anxiousness of not knowing just how much it would change, and if they'd be able to go on as friends the way they had been until now. It bothered him that he couldn't figure it out, but at the same time, he needed to know. So much that he actually risked it going  _very_ badly.

“You're such a tease, bro! Gimme, gimme, come _on!_ ”

“I'll just let you know, I…I doubt you should read it here.”

Despite his words, he handed it over without any more hesitation, fully aware that Ryuji wouldn't even wait half a second before looking into it. He'd been given a warning, and a sincere one, so it was really his own choice to ignore it and tear on the envelope to open it.

The card itself, Akira remembered, was pretty cool. He'd drawn his memory of Captain Kidd on it, which had been difficult because he had a hard time remembering any Persona that weren't his own – which were enough already on their own. But everything about Ryuji reminded him of the rebellious figure, and skulls were something he'd seen a lot on his best friend, be it his own mask, shirts or even just pencils.  _My mom got them!_ , he'd say to defend himself, but Akira really didn't think it needed to be justified. If anything, he found it quite charming how close Ryuji was to his mother, and how much she cared for him.

But despite the  _design_ being nearly flawless – Akira knew that, and he was poised enough to believe it – it was the words on it that made him want to run away very fast, entirely aware that Ryuji would catch up in no time and ask him all the weird questions.

At first, Akira hadn't been sure if he should do anything differently than for the others. Card, design, some nice words, done. But it hadn't taken him long to realize it was time to be honest, with himself to, but especially with Ryuji, who never failed to be so  _agonizingly_ true and open about his feelings. 

The upside was, the small choice of  only three  words had left a huge chunk of paper to use for the drawing. It was his favorite, Akira decided, because just as much as it had been easy, he'd put his heart into it.

The downside was, the words meant so indescribably much that he wasn't even sure if they were enough  to express how he felt, and the fact that there were so little undoubtedly meant that Ryuji was definitely not busy reading, but  _staring._ And to judge from the  _way_ he was looking at it, he hadn't expected what he saw.

“Dude, I…”

He ran a finger over the drawing, the words, then put the card to the side and looked at nothing in particular, as if he were desperately searching for a reply. It didn't mean anything yet, but even so, Akira already wanted to cry because he was so incredibly happy not to be met with disgust – that had been his greatest fear, after all.

“I'd say you've gotta be kidding, but it's you. You ain't like that.”

Not what he'd expected, but he'd take it. Maybe he should say something, too, but at the same time, he was sure his voice would tremble, and somehow, he wasn't in for letting that happen. Still, he was well aware of the slight pink shade right under his eyes when Ryuji  _did_ finally look over to him, his mouth just slightly agape, not frowning but also not not-frowning, definitely confused about what was going on and clearly insecure on what to do next. What he did do, however, came so surprisingly that it almost ended with a pancake-flat cat – he threw himself onto Akira, mumbling a halfhearted apology to Morgana, who had already jumped onto the windowsill and gave them a disapproving look before deciding he didn't want to be here, and leaving for the stairs.

Neither of them moved for minutes, Akira buried under Ryuji's weight, looking at the ceiling through thoroughly bleached streaks, still not sure if things had actually gone well. It was a comforting silence, although he was still sure he should say something, explain himself and make sure they both knew it didn't have to change a thing between them. They'd be best friends, they'd do practically everything together, and if Ryuji asked him to be his best man for a wedding one day,  _screw it._ He'd bite down his selfish jealousy and of course he'd be right there.

But everything went the exact opposite way, the one Akira hadn't planned a thing about, given any kind of serious thought or even just  _contemplated._ Because the words he heard so very close to his ear that he felt like he would melt managed to carry every single good thing he could imagine right now.

“Damn, I never wanted to kiss a guy before, let alone so _badly_.”

That statement was so typically  _Ryuji_ that it was hard for Akira not to laugh, but it was also so unbelievably perfect that he found himself unable to breathe. If he weren't so sure of the weight on him, the defined muscle covering every inch of his own body, the warm, minimally  _unsteady_ breath right next to his ear, soft hair tickling his nose or the arms thrown around his neck, he'd place a bet on this being a dream, or at least a very lively fantasy. Finally, he managed to speak.

“I'd love to, but the position is rather inconvenient.”

He'd pat himself on the back for the smoothness of his words, but not only would it be weird; he'd also have to let go of Ryuji's hair  _and_ shirt, both of which he had absently grabbed and was holding onto like the safe haven they felt like.

Unlike Akira, Ryuji  _did_ let go, even though only to support himself on his arms, slight frown unable to overshadow the sheepish joy in his eyes. Akira had a million questions about it. Had Ryuji just found out he wasn't as straight as he'd thought? Had he already known before? Was this just an exception? Akira was so unbelievably curious, about these things no one would care about, but decided to let go of the thoughts and instead lean in,  his insecurity surely depicted in the kiss, but unable to care about it  _at all_ .

This, the warm body on top of him, the tender feeling of their delicate touch, the way Ryuji managed not to shut up even now, mumbling appreciative curses about everything…it was so much more than Akira could have ever expected, let alone asked for, and he was sure that if he hadn't already, he'd be blushing because of how cherishing it felt.

He'd never be able to say if it was a second or a millennium before they parted, but he was  _definitely_ able to say that, whatever happened now, the innocent intimacy they had just shared was nothing short of  _sacred_ to him.

“Hope this beats Ann's cards in terms of gayness.”

“Dude…”

But Ryuji hardly tried to sound annoyed.

“Dude, yeah. But in better ways.”

And because it was him – uncaring about the proper ways to do things or even just talk – there was not a hint of weirdness in it when he finally replied to the words he had read before by scratching his head, chuckling nervously and saying:

“I love you, too, bro.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Akira forgets about sending Futaba a selfie. She helps herself by sneaking in and posing before two sleeping dorks, though, causing quite a commotion in their group chat... :^)


End file.
